Hiding being gay, coming out, alcohol and cocaine addiction: At 46, Raül Balam Ruscalleda tells how he took back his life and work.
The story
The publication of journalist Carme Gasull's book Enganchado (literally "hooked") is causing a stir in Spain. It’s the story of Raül Balam Ruscalleda, son of the more famous 3-Star MICHELIN chef, Carme, and chef at Moments, which currently holds two.
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"My name is Raül and I do drugs," reads the incipit. And in fact, the book intends to recount a story of addiction, far from uncommon in the field, without any shame, to help those facing the same problem. Ruscalleda Junior reports that he spent a happy and privileged childhood in Sant Pol de Mar, then the problems began in his early teens. First, because he was gay and was hiding it. "I thought I had to give the world what the world expected of me. That I had to have a girlfriend and then get married. But a leopard can’t change its spots. It’s hard to admit, but it was at the moment of coming out that, catastrophically, the drugs came."
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The first encounter with alcohol had already happened at home. "Who wasn’t given a holiday drink by their parents? It certainly wasn't the main factor, but that's how the problem started. My main drug was cocaine, but I'm also addicted to what I haven't tried yet, to what hasn't been invented yet. What an addict wants is to lose control and become uninhibited. Everyone seeks their own path, and mine was that. There’s no such thing as being more of an addict if you make use of a certain substance."
The addiction was so severe that Ruscalleda retains no memory of his visits to the world's greatest restaurants, including Noma. “I would try to drink as quickly as possible, so I could order another bottle right away. And if they told me that there was still a good bit of the menu left, I would reassure myself, knowing I would drink more." Looking back then, what he sees is a "piece of scum," unable to work and to take care of himself. Ruscalleda had to take a break from work, under the supervision of his sister. But he kept falling back into it, until his mother asked, "What are we going to do?" That’s when he entered a rehabilitation clinic.
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Reinstatement at work took place gradually. Raül started with four-hour morning shifts, spent in Sant Pol performing the most basic tasks, such as cleaning fish, and eventually he returned to Moments in Barcelona, heartily welcomed by the staff. That ‘welcome back’ sign, which they all raised together, made him cry; he still holds on to it.
A dish by the chef- Bio-caviar, ajoblanco, and raisins @Alex Garcia
On March 5th, it will be ten years since Raül stopped taking drugs, a condition that impacts his creativity, too. "I used to think I was creative because of the drugs. But a clean mind flies much farther and way higher. In therapy, they make you think a lot about the here and now. A doctor once told me that one foot in the past and one foot in the future equals one fuckup in the present. I’ve got a boat in a big river. I’m in control of it and good people accompany me. I don't know where the boat will go, but it will be in good harbors."
Source: cadenaser.com
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